PCP: Worst ballpark
PoppyThere are plenty of horrible ballparks out there to choose from — Shea Stadium, Tropicana Field and the Metrodome, among others. But the worst of them all is the Ball Park itself. The Ball Park brand hot dog, that is.First off, it is a cheap hot dog. Anybody who buys into the “Plump when you cook ’em!” slogan doesn’t know his doggies. They explode when you cook ’em!The now-famous Fourth of July hot dog-eating contest doesn’t offer its contestants Ball Park hot dogs for a reason. I’m not sure Kobayashi would still be standing if he were to down 53 3/4 Ball Park hot dogs instead of Nathan’s.However, the Ball Park is distasteful for several other reasons.For starters, the Ball Park first became popular in the city of Detroit. The Motor City isn’t exactly the ideal place for any culinary product to come from. Detroiters make cars, not food.Furthermore, its most recent spokesperson was Michael Jordan. Now, no disrespect to His Airness, but a hot dog product could find a much better spokesdog. A hot dog represents the game of baseball, and Jordan certainly didn’t represent baseball very well in his short-lived basketball vacation with the Barons. A .202 average and 11 errors would make Chuck Knoblauch proud, but not much anybody else. Plus, Jordan should know better. He played his basketball career in Chicago — he should know what a real hot dog tastes like. Ball Park must’ve paid Jordan a bunch of dough to shush about its sub-par pork product. His face should be slapped all over the Portillo’s Hot Dogs Restaurant in the Windy City, not a cheap product you could pick up at Aldi’s.While I wouldn’t be thrilled to be stuck in Dolphins Stadium for a Marlins’ game, I’d much rather do that than indulge in a Ball Park hot dog.McGrathShea Stadium has long been considered the Richard Simmons of Major League Baseball stadiums, looking not just ugly, but goofy and old. However, this past week has made it very clear that the worst ballpark in the majors lies not off the Atlantic, but off another major, much more radioactive body of water: Lake Erie. Of course, I am referring to the new mistake by the lake: Jacobs Field in Cleveland. The biggest problem with Jacobs Field is that it is right now more of a ski resort than a ballpark, with two feet of standing snow currently residing in the stadium.Snowmen currently constitute the bulk of the facility’s tenants, closely followed by snow angels. As polite and evenly constituted as snow statues and cherubs are, they are poor fans for baseball, mainly because the sport does not respond well to the conditions necessary to keep the tenants from becoming puddles. Also, while snowball fights can be very amusing and are often entertaining to watch, it’s unlikely that the good people of Cleveland will fill Jacobs Field to witness a contest of the 1st Avenue boys taking on the kids on 10th Street. However, while Jacobs Field is not always under 24 inches of snow, it still is an easy choice as worst venue in baseball, since the team itself does not even like playing there. When it came time to film Major League, the Indians chose to go to Milwaukee and be filmed at County Stadium — no beauty pageant winner itself — and borrow the Brewers’ announcer Bob Uecker for their own. Although Jacobs Field was not around at the time, you are borrowing from the Brewers for success… It’s bad news.Point: Jacobs Field.